and we all sat there looking like a band of war refugees or something, some of us in denial about our own responsibility in choosing to be with these people…we all struggled to understand how it went from ‘just’ a slap or punch to such horror. To understand that by in choosing to accept the slap, to overlook the slap, to go back to the slap, we were choosing everything that followed. It was painful to realize that about myself but I feel that the facilitator of the group was truly an angel for challenging us to accept responsibility because she made me realize that if I did not understand my part; my choices, I would, most likely, go back to him or just find another abusive man to batter me.

maybe someone close to Rihanna can drive this point home to her, or give her some information about this or at least suggest it and maybe she will really, really consider it. I highly doubt it, because if this report is true he and she are in the ‘honeymoon’ phase, and this is…such an emotionally powerful ‘good’ time. It is intoxicating. It is overwhelming. It is addictive. oh! you have no idea unless you have been there. He and she are now in a ricochet of passion and interdependence and pain. It’s high drama worse than any Shakespeare play. but this girl is playing with fire, because this is not a play, it’s her life.

nobody can rescue her. I hope she wakes up and rescues herself.

this is the best/easiest time to leave an abusive relationship, because if ‘all’ they’ve done is smack you around and bruise you up a bit, it hasn’t got to the point where they will feel compelled to kill you if you leave. usually.

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He is 100% responsible for his actions and choices.
She is 100% responsible for her actions and choices.

If he hits her again, it is his responsibility and his fault. But – it is her responsibility and her fault for choosing to put herself in this situation now. Before presumably she did not know he was physically abusive (although I am sure he has long been verbally abusive because abusers typically do not start out hitting you. first they tear you down verbally, and then when they see you’ll willingly take that, the physical abuse starts) but now she knows. So it is her responsibility for choosing to go back to him.

I don’t think it is doing this young lady any favors to put her in the victim role and suggest that she is powerless here or that she does not have culpability for what happens to her now. If this report is true, she has chosen to be with a man who hits her.

I also don’t know why this beautiful, talented, shining star feels so bad about herself she would tolerate this. But I was also a beautiful, talented, shining star at 19 who had little to no self esteem and who willingly went back to an abuser. After the first shove. After the first slap. After the first punch. After the first kick. After after after. so much pain and misery and feeling that I was a powerless victim. It took me some time to realize I chose to be there, I chose to participate in a sick, very sick and sordid relationship. Was I responsible or in control of his hitting me? No, but I was responsible and in control of allowing myself to be hit. so…I was just as disturbed as he was. you see?

That is what people mean. Rihanna is choosing this, so next time he hits her, many many people will say Well she must have asked for it or she must like or she must want this else why did she go back. No one can really ‘help’ her now, she has got to choose to want different, to even understand what she is choosing here.

my god she has no idea.

I do believe in rehabilitation and that he can unlearn, he can figure out why he is an abuser and choose to do different but I don’t think this can be done in 3 weeks. They both need intensive individual therapy. and they need to be apart from each other for now, for as long as it takes.

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I’m not a singer/musician but I am a creative person and sometimes it does feel like a ‘split’ in personality when you express your creativity in a different way. I have an alter ego, or rather my alt ego has become my dominant ego…well actually it’s more like 60/40 her/me. originally she came out when I wrote sci-fi but now she’s out a great deal of the time. I even look different in pics as Mercury dominant than as Trula dominant (compare on the home page). I know a lot of creatives are this way. I get that it does seem like an act, especially when a big/well known star does it but she probably would have done it if she was singing in her basement, kwim?

The beyonce/sasha fierce thing makes sense to me and clears up the mystery I was thinking of WTH, why is old girl showing us the grind-up like that, but the glove thingy Sasha wears has got to go!! LOL

There are a lot of creative people who have alter egos, some more are:

TI/T.I.P
Janet Jackson/damito jo
Mariah Carey/Mimi
Eminem/Slim Shady
David Bowie/Ziggy Stardust
Hank Williams/Luke the Drifter
Garth Brooks/Chris Gaines
see some pics

and what about Mary j. Blige’s alt ego Brooke? I’ve been wanting to see more of her but it’s like Mary J. killed her off or something.
MTV talks to Mary about Brooke

You know who fascinates me the most with this is Prince. He has several alter egos:
Jamie Starr
Camille
Austra Chanel

and several different pen names/pseudonyms including ‘the symbol’ and The Kid. He is so prolific…all the music he has written/produced under Prince is like an amazing amount, but it all in entirety, is like WOW. I am not a real big fan of his music but what a creative genius he is, to have mastered his time and energy to bring his creative ideas to fruition. I am amazed and wonder how he did it. probably by not being stuck working 40 hours at a job for someone else boo hiss. Let me quit whining and light my own fire!!!!!

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It’s been so hard for me to get actual daylight because I work 4 days a week for bigboxcorp, 10 hour shifts (some days I’m crazy enough to work overtime and do 12-15 hours), and it’s dark when I leave for work and dark when I come home, and I only get 30 minutes for lunch. Which is like, whatever, I’ll just walk during my lunch and eat on my breaks. BUT bigboxcorp is trifling, there is a 1/2 mile track that also goes around the bank next store. Bigboxcorp says that bank was there first, so they should salt the track. Long story short, no one salts it, no one shovels it, it’s an icy mess I don’t dare risk my neck to walk on. So now there is no place for me to walk outside at work aaaaaaaagh. On my off days I’ve been busy with my bookstore. I’d tell myself I’d go out ‘in a minute’ next thing I knew it was dark out; the day flew by. excuses!

Good news though! tomorrow at bigboxcorp I start 2 weeks of training for another project, I have to work 5 days but I’ll be off at 230. So I can get plenty of daylight no hassle. Then after the 2 weeks my schedule changes again so I won’t have to be at work until 9, which makes a huge difference because I’ll have an hour of daylight in the morning and can get my 30 minutes in before work. On my off days I’m going to start outdoor running ’cause I’m in training for the marathon in May. I’ll only run up and down the side road by my house that hardly gets any traffic. So between the daylight, the exercise, and fresh air my mood should stay lifted. Piss off Jack Frost!

This blog post written by Trula. Thanks for visiting Seed & Flame!

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I am a zombie, and it’s not so bad. I’m learning to live with it. I’m sorry I can’t properly introduce myself, but I don’t have a name anymore. Hardly any of us do. We forget them, like anniversaries and PIN numbers. I think mine might have started with a “T”, but I’m not sure. It’s funny, because back when I was alive, I was always forgetting other people’s names. I am finding that irony abounds in the zombie life, an ever-present punch line. But it’s hard to smile when your lips have rotted off.
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This blog entry written by Trula Breckenridge. Thanks for visiting MSPmedia: Indie Publishing & Production!

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