I hope her family stands behind her and gives her information on abuse…really, that’s all they can do. to help her get a clue, to get some idea of what she is choosing here. because she really doesn’t know, nobody wants to end up dead or barren or an amputee or their face half gone or left with other physical and mental injuries that will last their whole life. in my case my worst injury was a fractured skull that left me with permanent brain damage, but believe me it could have been much worse. I was in a recovery group with women who had all those aforementioned injuries and more.

and we all sat there looking like a band of war refugees or something, some of us in denial about our own responsibility in choosing to be with these people…we all struggled to understand how it went from ‘just’ a slap or punch to such horror. To understand that by in choosing to accept the slap, to overlook the slap, to go back to the slap, we were choosing everything that followed. It was painful to realize that about myself but I feel that the facilitator of the group was truly an angel for challenging us to accept responsibility because she made me realize that if I did not understand my part; my choices, I would, most likely, go back to him or just find another abusive man to batter me.

maybe someone close to Rihanna can drive this point home to her, or give her some information about this or at least suggest it and maybe she will really, really consider it. I highly doubt it, because if this report is true he and she are in the ‘honeymoon’ phase, and this is…such an emotionally powerful ‘good’ time. It is intoxicating. It is overwhelming. It is addictive. oh! you have no idea unless you have been there. He and she are now in a ricochet of passion and interdependence and pain. It’s high drama worse than any Shakespeare play. but this girl is playing with fire, because this is not a play, it’s her life.

nobody can rescue her. I hope she wakes up and rescues herself.

this is the best/easiest time to leave an abusive relationship, because if ‘all’ they’ve done is smack you around and bruise you up a bit, it hasn’t got to the point where they will feel compelled to kill you if you leave. usually.

So rumors are flying that the pop star Rihanna has gone back to her equally famous boyfried Chris Brown, who allegedly battered her 3 weeks ago. The tide turned from sympathy for Rihanna to disgust, as people are shocked and dismayed she would choose to do this:
Rihanna and Chris Brown back Together

He is 100% responsible for his actions and choices.
She is 100% responsible for her actions and choices.

If he hits her again, it is his responsibility and his fault. But – it is her responsibility and her fault for choosing to put herself in this situation now. Before presumably she did not know he was physically abusive (although I am sure he has long been verbally abusive because abusers typically do not start out hitting you. first they tear you down verbally, and then when they see you’ll willingly take that, the physical abuse starts) but now she knows. So it is her responsibility for choosing to go back to him.

I don’t think it is doing this young lady any favors to put her in the victim role and suggest that she is powerless here or that she does not have culpability for what happens to her now. If this report is true, she has chosen to be with a man who hits her.

I also don’t know why this beautiful, talented, shining star feels so bad about herself she would tolerate this. But I was also a beautiful, talented, shining star at 19 who had little to no self esteem and who willingly went back to an abuser. After the first shove. After the first slap. After the first punch. After the first kick. After after after. so much pain and misery and feeling that I was a powerless victim. It took me some time to realize I chose to be there, I chose to participate in a sick, very sick and sordid relationship. Was I responsible or in control of his hitting me? No, but I was responsible and in control of allowing myself to be hit. so…I was just as disturbed as he was. you see?

That is what people mean. Rihanna is choosing this, so next time he hits her, many many people will say Well she must have asked for it or she must like or she must want this else why did she go back. No one can really ‘help’ her now, she has got to choose to want different, to even understand what she is choosing here.

my god she has no idea.

I do believe in rehabilitation and that he can unlearn, he can figure out why he is an abuser and choose to do different but I don’t think this can be done in 3 weeks. They both need intensive individual therapy. and they need to be apart from each other for now, for as long as it takes.