1. Learn your history. Learn about who your people are. Read about slavery and how we survived it, how we often escaped it, and how we fought for freedom. You can also learn about where most American slaves came from in Africa and learn about those cultures. You may also be able to trace your actual family, which I was surprised to learn. Slaves were considered property and information on them was often recorded. Black people in the United States have also contributed an enormous amount to the development and greatness of this country. When you consider that we are only 13% of the population (and that’s our population density now, not in the past) you will see that our contributions as Americans is all out of proportion compared to other ethnicities in the states. Now that is something to be proud of!

2. Learn the history of other cultures. I think that because we are forced to learn American history from a slanted, racist point of view and often the history of european cultures as well when we are in school that many of us resist the idea of learning anything more about other cultures. This is fair, but consider that there are many other cultures in the world. Pick one or a few and read up on them. You may be surprised how this has an impact on you and can strengthen your respect for your own culture. Why? because when you learn about other cultures you will discover that other cultures have had negative things happen to them too. You will discover that people are people and no other culture is superior to another.

3. Focus on the future. When considering black people, what kind of future do you imagine for black people? What kind of hope do you have for our people in the United States? Worldwide? How can you be a part of changing things for us? When considering things individually, what kind of future do you want for yourself? Do you feel confident in making plans for your future? If not, why? Answering these questions can help clarify your feelings on this subject. When you feel confident and powerful about directing your life instead of being a passive victim of racism, it intensifies your feelings of pride in yourself as a black person.

4. Turn away from the negative.There are a lot of negative things in the media being perpetrated in the name of black culture. Drug dealing, gangster rap, broken families, glorification of incarceration, and more. You don’t have to embrace these things because so many other black people are. These are not things that originated in our culture; they are things that happened as a result of living in a racist culture bent on destroying black people. I sometimes get the impression from other black people that they embrace these things because they feel that these are the only way racist white people will ‘allow’ us to live, or the only way to be ‘keep it real’ and be authentic black people. Hogwash!

5. Focus on the positive. There are so many positive things happening in our culture, why not choose to focus on the positive? And it’s ok to be happy, so why not choose to focus on the positive things happening in your own life? Take note of positive things happening to other black people, and try to feel genuine joy for them. When you feel overwhelmed at how racist the culture is in the United States, try to focus on the many positive social changes that have occured due to so many black people just like yourself who put themselves out there to improve things for us all.

This blog entry written by Trula. Thanks for visiting Seed & Flame!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

It’s the STRONG BLACK WOMAN myth.

Yes I am shouting, because yes I feel that strongly about it. You hear black woman all the time go on and on about how they are ‘strong black women’ and raising their daughters to be ‘strong black women’, as if that’s something to be proud of.

IT’S NOT.

Because being a ‘strong black woman’ means you put up with and ‘survive’ a whole lot of crazy, awful, disturbing and often disgusting bull. As a black woman who is definitely not strong, I can tell you that whole strong black woman stuff is a myth that causes untold misery and self-inflicted oppression to black women. All because we are raised to think this is how we are, and our culture, our very survival rests on it.

It’s ok to not be a strong black woman; to not be able to take all the abuse the world heaps on us and keep on trucking along and it’s ok to not want to be strong enough to take it and deal with it. It’s ok to be a black woman who needs people, who needs a man to help raise children, who needs a partner/significant other, who needs close friends and family for support just like any other person.

That whole ‘strong black woman’ mess aggravates my nerves. From what I see it just means black women are expected by black culture to be alone and struggle terribly and not need other people, especially men and especially in raising our children. It’s a deeply entrenched idea in African-American culture that hurts us all. It devalues our very humanity, in my opinion, as well as our femininity.

Never thought that being a strong black woman was in any way negative? Think about it, when have you ever heard it used to describe a positive situation a black woman was in? Any time I hear it, it’s in reference to being poor, or being a single mom, or experiencing racism, or overcoming getting beat up or raped or something else tragic. We black women are just supposed to be able to walk off any old shoddy treatment and hold it together, because we are so ‘strong’.

Not me. I will gladly take being called weak because you know what? Trying to be a strong black woman when I was young and believing that mess nearly made me lose my mind. Call me a weak black woman, I don’t care. Call me needy, and I will tell you that’s right. I am needy, I’m a human being!

I need a man
I need a partner to help me raise my kids
I need friends
I need emotional support
I need closeness
I need tenderness
I need to be treated with respect
I need to be treated with kindness
I need a shoulder to cry on
I need warm smiles and soft touches
I need so very much

And guess what…I have what I need. Do you? Take the strong black woman cape off because you are not superman and you really cannot fly. You are nobody’s workhorse or drudge and you can have the love and friendship community you need, want, and crave. I think so many black women hold onto this idea because we think if we let it go, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, there will be nobody and nothing there and we will get hurt. But aren’t you getting hurt living the strong black woman myth now? In your self-imposed isolation denying that you need regular human contact, love and partnership, aren’t you hurting, and alone? When you go to an early grave because of hypertension or other stress-related disorders because you ran yourself ragged trying to prove how ‘strong’ you really are, who will you be helping? Who will you be showing? The world? The same world that supposedly does not care about you and that you supposedly don’t need?

You can choose to let this myth go. Breathe deep, and let it go. Set it down gently…then kick it in the gutter.

There, you feel better already, right?

Here’s more on this, thank god I am not the only one who feels this way:
The Myth of the Strong Black Woman
Black Women’s Mythology Revisited or “Loving my Inner Conwoman”
Christian Thoughts: The Myth of the Strong Black Woman
Critique on Saints, Sinners, Saviors: Strong Black Women in African American Literature
Deconstructing the myth of the Strong Black Woman

This blog entry written by Trula. Thanks for visiting Seed & Flame!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

This is a very interesting study but won’t be of any surprising news to most black Americans. Racism has a definite impact on our health in so many ways, from receiving substandard health care to not going to the doctor because you just don’t want to deal with their racism. I believe that racism is the number one cause for high blood pressure among black Americans. Living with the constant pressure of words and actions from racist whites definitely has an impact on making your blood pressure rise.

I practice yoga, I run, I watch what I eat and I am at a healthy weight. But more than doing these things that reduce my stress levels and boost my health, when it comes to dealing with racism I have found that the best defense is a mental defense. I put on my mental armor before going out into the world where I have to deal with racist white people, because I am determined not to go to an early grave because of these people wearing me down.

This blog entry written by Trula. Thanks for visiting Seed & Flame!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I think once the majority of black American children have an involved, loving and caring father in their life there will be a decrease in black on black crime.

Someone once asked me:
I agree with that to a point but what do you do if the fathers are still acting like children? And the mothers for that matter? How can a Father teach his sons to be men when they still haven’t begun to master the art themselves?

My answer is that I do not think most black men act like children and I also think credit needs to be given where credit is due. Some guy who’s say, 30, who is still conducting his life in a childish manner, is still a man who made it 30 years as a black man in this country and has that info and experience to share with his children. That speaks volumes to me, because black men are under a pressure cooker out here. And a childish and immature man isn’t a lost cause, he is still dynamic human being capable of change, capable of handling love and responsibility. I also think that if a woman makes a decision to have children by an immature man then she should be willing to own up to that. If she’s also childish and immature, she’s got to grow up, too. Heck, I was immature on varying levels when I had all my kids, truth be told, very silly and immature. But I had more tacit societal and family approval to have my kids live with me and to become an involved, loving, and caring mom than I would have had I been a black male under the same conditions. I didn’t begin to ‘mature’ emotionally until I was 23 I would say, and didn’t really ‘act’ grown until I was around 26. But I had my three children by the time I was 25. If I could change and grow up and become a responsible, caring, involved parent anybody can.

I just can’t see being pessimistic about this because this is our future we are talking about, the next generation of black people. I think black women have got to raise the bar and start expecting more from black men as fathers as well as from themselves as potential mothers. My daughter is 18 and hasn’t seen her natural dad since she was 3. It might happen that he will get it together to be a part of her life someday. My oldest son is 12 and though I have always told his dad he could see him any time, it’s only recently that his natural father reached out and expressed any interest in him even though he’s paid child support for many years. I could be salty but this man is his father and my son needs him. I could be salty at either of these men but I also have responsibility because I chose to have children with men who gave me plenty of indications from the beginning that they were not good father material. I am married to the father of my third child, my youngest son, and the security he has in always having had his natural father has given him a confidence in life from jump we have had to consistently nurture in my other children.

This blog entry written by Trula. Thanks for visiting Seed & Flame!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Perhaps if you consider it racially you might understand this viewpoint. Look at the lynching or tarring and feathering of black men and how it was a de facto sport at one time in America. One might argue that these weren’t racist white people who committed these acts but sick, devilish people, and that is true (because you have to be sick in the head to actually pour hot tar on somebody or hang them just for fun) but it is also true that these acts were encouraged and supported because the victims in question were black. Racist acts of physical violence including murder are supported in a culture where people are discriminated against because of the color of their skin. It’s like that with rape/sexual assault. One might argue that these weren’t sexist men doing this but sick, devilish people, and that is true (because you have to be sick in the head to sexually assault anybody) but it is also true that acts of sexual assault including rape are supported in a system where people are discriminated against based on their sex.

This blog entry written by Trula. Thanks for visiting Seed & Flame!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.