So rumors are flying that the pop star Rihanna has gone back to her equally famous boyfried Chris Brown, who allegedly battered her 3 weeks ago. The tide turned from sympathy for Rihanna to disgust, as people are shocked and dismayed she would choose to do this:
Rihanna and Chris Brown back Together

He is 100% responsible for his actions and choices.
She is 100% responsible for her actions and choices.

If he hits her again, it is his responsibility and his fault. But – it is her responsibility and her fault for choosing to put herself in this situation now. Before presumably she did not know he was physically abusive (although I am sure he has long been verbally abusive because abusers typically do not start out hitting you. first they tear you down verbally, and then when they see you’ll willingly take that, the physical abuse starts) but now she knows. So it is her responsibility for choosing to go back to him.

I don’t think it is doing this young lady any favors to put her in the victim role and suggest that she is powerless here or that she does not have culpability for what happens to her now. If this report is true, she has chosen to be with a man who hits her.

I also don’t know why this beautiful, talented, shining star feels so bad about herself she would tolerate this. But I was also a beautiful, talented, shining star at 19 who had little to no self esteem and who willingly went back to an abuser. After the first shove. After the first slap. After the first punch. After the first kick. After after after. so much pain and misery and feeling that I was a powerless victim. It took me some time to realize I chose to be there, I chose to participate in a sick, very sick and sordid relationship. Was I responsible or in control of his hitting me? No, but I was responsible and in control of allowing myself to be hit. so…I was just as disturbed as he was. you see?

That is what people mean. Rihanna is choosing this, so next time he hits her, many many people will say Well she must have asked for it or she must like or she must want this else why did she go back. No one can really ‘help’ her now, she has got to choose to want different, to even understand what she is choosing here.

my god she has no idea.

I do believe in rehabilitation and that he can unlearn, he can figure out why he is an abuser and choose to do different but I don’t think this can be done in 3 weeks. They both need intensive individual therapy. and they need to be apart from each other for now, for as long as it takes.

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