Let me warn you in advance I’m about to put one of our myths and cultural beliefs on front street and blast it away.

It’s the STRONG BLACK WOMAN myth.

Yes I am shouting, because yes I feel that strongly about it. You hear black woman all the time go on and on about how they are ‘strong black women’ and raising their daughters to be ‘strong black women’, as if that’s something to be proud of.

IT’S NOT.

Because being a ‘strong black woman’ means you put up with and ‘survive’ a whole lot of crazy, awful, disturbing and often disgusting bull. As a black woman who is definitely not strong, I can tell you that whole strong black woman stuff is a myth that causes untold misery and self-inflicted oppression to black women. All because we are raised to think this is how we are, and our culture, our very survival rests on it.

It’s ok to not be a strong black woman; to not be able to take all the abuse the world heaps on us and keep on trucking along and it’s ok to not want to be strong enough to take it and deal with it. It’s ok to be a black woman who needs people, who needs a man to help raise children, who needs a partner/significant other, who needs close friends and family for support just like any other person.

That whole ‘strong black woman’ mess aggravates my nerves. From what I see it just means black women are expected by black culture to be alone and struggle terribly and not need other people, especially men and especially in raising our children. It’s a deeply entrenched idea in African-American culture that hurts us all. It devalues our very humanity, in my opinion, as well as our femininity.

Never thought that being a strong black woman was in any way negative? Think about it, when have you ever heard it used to describe a positive situation a black woman was in? Any time I hear it, it’s in reference to being poor, or being a single mom, or experiencing racism, or overcoming getting beat up or raped or something else tragic. We black women are just supposed to be able to walk off any old shoddy treatment and hold it together, because we are so ‘strong’.

Not me. I will gladly take being called weak because you know what? Trying to be a strong black woman when I was young and believing that mess nearly made me lose my mind. Call me a weak black woman, I don’t care. Call me needy, and I will tell you that’s right. I am needy, I’m a human being!

I need a man
I need a partner to help me raise my kids
I need friends
I need emotional support
I need closeness
I need tenderness
I need to be treated with respect
I need to be treated with kindness
I need a shoulder to cry on
I need warm smiles and soft touches
I need so very much

And guess what…I have what I need. Do you? Take the strong black woman cape off because you are not superman and you really cannot fly. You are nobody’s workhorse or drudge and you can have the love and friendship community you need, want, and crave. I think so many black women hold onto this idea because we think if we let it go, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, there will be nobody and nothing there and we will get hurt. But aren’t you getting hurt living the strong black woman myth now? In your self-imposed isolation denying that you need regular human contact, love and partnership, aren’t you hurting, and alone? When you go to an early grave because of hypertension or other stress-related disorders because you ran yourself ragged trying to prove how ‘strong’ you really are, who will you be helping? Who will you be showing? The world? The same world that supposedly does not care about you and that you supposedly don’t need?

You can choose to let this myth go. Breathe deep, and let it go. Set it down gently…then kick it in the gutter.

There, you feel better already, right?

Here’s more on this, thank god I am not the only one who feels this way:
The Myth of the Strong Black Woman
Black Women’s Mythology Revisited or “Loving my Inner Conwoman”
Christian Thoughts: The Myth of the Strong Black Woman
Critique on Saints, Sinners, Saviors: Strong Black Women in African American Literature
Deconstructing the myth of the Strong Black Woman

This blog entry written by Trula. Thanks for visiting Seed & Flame!

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